17 June
The Manchester roster part 1
There's just 10 days until training camp starts in Manchester and the new series is almost upon us. So today, I'm going to run through the Manchester roster and see who is good enough and who isn't.
GOALTENDERS
1. Tim Howard
A giant from the US of A who is the best goaltender in the world. Traded from the New York/New Jersey/New Hampshire Metrostars, Sir Ferguson was interested in him because they share a problem where they can't stop themselves swearing.
Eddie Vandersar
Hollandish goaltender Eddie Vandersar, who at 34 is almost as old as my Pop, played for the last four years at the Fulham Fayeds, where he gave up just 60 scores in the last series. However, he achieved 79 stops, batted the ball 43 times and averaged 69.4 yards per kick.
DEFENSEMEN
2. Gary Neville
Our most reliable defensive back, but no good for marketing. What Manchester fan wants "Neville" on the back of his jersey? Famous for kicking a soccer ball at an Everton Stickies fan and not knowing the words to God Save the Queen.
3.Phil Neville
See above, but delete the bit about reliability.
4. Gabriel Heinze
An Argeninese player who is one of my favorites. I love the way he runs around a lot and doesn't worry about what his hair looks like! We traded him from PSG, which is the same club we are trying to sign Asia star Park Jisung.
5. Ferdinand Rio
Brazilian defenseman, who's been in a bit of trouble recently. First he was involved in a bar brawl in the northern English town of Sweden. Then he got in trouble while at the bachelorette party of a girlfriend called Jody Morris. And now Sir Ferguson is telling him that he will be traded if he doesn't ink a new contract at the Nike Trafford Ballpark franchise. Maybe Rio thinks he's already signed the new deal. After all, Pop tells me he even forgot to go to the bathroom once!
6. Wes Brown
Awesome player. He played for Britain against Team USA, so why doesn't Sir Ferguson play him more often? Pop says he looks a lot like 1980s British pop star Yazz.
22. John Oshea
I read that whenver Oshea gets the ball, fans start singing "When Johnny goes running down the wing". These kind of aerial stunts are surely too dangerous for a soccer player.
27. Michael Silvester
Swift soccer player, who covered 40 yards in 4.55 seconds during workouts. Not the prettiest man, so he got jealous of London Arsenals model Freddy Liungberg and headbutted him.
I'll come back to the middle-men and offensemen shortly.
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